I am still new to the poly lifestyle and still feel strange calling it a lifestyle. In fact, I don’t want to be labeled anything. I’ll be Irish, okay. I’ll be Jewish, okay. Heck, I’ll be a redhead, sure. But to stick me with a label of some sort that people may forever identify me as “being” when it can be more complicated than that or more fluid than that or none of their business…I’m not real keen on that.
I have talked to my close friends about seeing two men. I have explained my life, as of now, to my parents. Even most of the people I work with (that other family you have to deal with) know about K and Floofy (yes, I’m calling him Floofy). Today I saw an ex-coworker that I never shared much about myself with. She rambled on and on about the minutiae of her life and finally asked how “my man” was doing. I just nodded and replied, “Good. He’s good.” I was NOT going to spend any time explaining things to her.
So how do I choose whom to tell? Is it something that I feel like I have to be “out and proud” about? Is it a part of my life that I should be wearing on my sleeve? Does it mean I can’t be monogamous at a future time? Of course not. Does it mean that there are other parts of me that are way more interesting than my sexuality? Why yes. Yes it does.
And that leads me to wondering why so many people I have met in this polyamorous lifestyle are (what seems like) purposefully wrapping their whole identity around their sexuality? Like being poly is the hub of the wheel. The spokes are BDSM, bisexuality, homosexuality, swinger lifestyle, spouse swapping, and on and on and on. Oh and the actual tire? You know, the part that goes around the wheel making it usable? That’s the 3 bright kids they have, the amazing job they have, their passion for music, their selfless devotion to animals in need, etc… but I wouldn’t know about any of that until I get past the flirting and sexual innuendos and the glances and the batting eyes and touching.
I absolutely believe in championing a cause that is near and dear to your heart. To promote a worthy cause. To raise awareness. I do! I have a few of my own and yet I don’t garner my self-esteem from my sexuality. My self-confidence is not based on my ability to attract someone’s attention. Is this a gift that comes with age? Is this a feminist attitude? Or is it a response to having every cause shove their mantra down my throat for many many years now?
I don’t need to know who you like, how you like them, the way you want to be intimate with them, or how you want them to tie you up with gorgeous shibari ropes and post the pictures on your bicurious profile on FetLife. Let me find them on my own travels through FetLife! Let me be surprised because I know you as the person who spends every Sunday at the dog shelter scratching puppies behind the ears, the person who has turned a hobby of making tiny felt monsters into a tidy little business on Etsy, or the person who does Iron Butt Rallies on their BMW GS650.
Please! Surprise me!
She is an Irish Jew and not too serious about it.