How I Became Poly

menarewonderfulSo the story always begins somewhere and for me it was when I started dating this particular girl and she opened my eyes up to the possibility.

Now, I had never thought of myself as polyamorous – or anything but monogamous.  I had never been one to date around or see multiple girls at the same time.  I hadn’t necessarily been brought up as monogamous but my teen years saw the birth of the HIV/AIDS epidemic so sex was definitely something that was now “dangerous”.

And then I started dating one particular girl (the same girl who has now been a part of daily life for 22 years).  Everything had been pretty normal up to this point – normal dating behaviors, great sex, and we genuinely enjoyed each others company.  And then one day she dropped a question on me:


Her: What would you think about dating other people?
Me: Are you breaking up with me?
Her: Oh God no!
Me: So I could date other people too?
Her: Of course.
Me: Hmmm… OK.


And that was it. We now had an “open relationship”! We didn’t call it “polyamory” then as the word didn’t even exist! We were just doing something that felt comfortable to us.

Of course, it wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns.  We definitely hit our fair share of snags and speed bumps.  We had tons of rules and as happens – those rules caused problems.  But we worked through them and figured out what worked for us.

Today, we’ve been together for 22 years – I’ve actually been with her for more than half of my life.  We enjoy the company of each other as well as those people that we date.   I can’t say that I would have ever predicted that I would be “poly” but today, I can’t imagine it being any other way.

1 comment

  1. James Wood - Reply

    For me it started early. Like Derek I was an 80’s child but I was the wild child. It happened to me when I started dating Stephanie….about 3 weeks after at a party I slept with her sister…her twin sister.
    Ok I said I was a wild child. So now im dateing Stacy as well. Steph was in Stacy’s locker about a week later I walked up and kissed her and the cat was out of the bag. It wasn’t until later that nite that they told me not only did they both know but they planned it that way.
    We were all Si-Fi geeks they had me read a book that changed my life. “Stranger in a strange land” by Robert Heinlein.
    The three of us were together for yhe next 2 years then there dad got reassigned to a base in England.
    From that time forward all my mono relationships went to hell. I couldn’t figure out why I could not make my relationships work…why was it that I could not stay faithful.
    Then it dawned on me. I wasn’t mono that’s why I could not get them to work. Sence then I have had several poly relationships. Although all did come to an end it was different than when my mono relationships ended…my current partner has changed me even further.
    I love my Goldie very much. Sence the day we started d ateing it has seemed like years together. Like most couples we ended up doing things like finishing sentences but for us it started happening day one. We have been together 2 years now. It feels like twenty.

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